So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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