So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
