Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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