i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
