70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i out mim tonsoeep
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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