be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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