Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
