So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
