I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
