I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
