I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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