I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
