Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
