a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
