Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
