I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
