a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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