is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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