On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
