Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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