were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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