so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
