and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
