R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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