Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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