Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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