Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
