I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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