she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
