Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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