if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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