Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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