Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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