You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
