I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
