i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
