i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I supernannyed him into submission
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
