just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
