i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
