You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
