I think I won the penis lottery.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
