do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this just has baby written all over it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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