conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
