I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
