well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
