Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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