Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
