I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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