Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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