my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
