Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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