youre lurking in front of me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
