she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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