True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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