i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
