you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
