You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
